It's The Law! A female police officer arrests a Navy Chief Petty Officer for drunk driving. She tells the Chief, “Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you.” The Navy Chief responds, “Tits.” Pointy
Food Question Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? A: Beer Nuts are $1.39 a Pound and Deer Nuts are under a Buck. Pointy
Friendly Advice I would like to share an experience with you. The other night I was out with friends. After consuming too much beer, I knew full well that I was really drunk. So, I did something I've never done before. Believe it or not, I took a bus home. Yep, a bus. I got home safely and without incident. This was a real surprise to me, since I have never driven a bus before... Pointy
Cowboy At A Drugstore Cowboy: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE. Cashier: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG WITH THAT SIR? Cowboy: NAH... SHE AIN'T THAT UGLY!! Pointy
Testing, Testing... NO WONDER I NEVER HAD A 4.0 GRADE POINT! I MISSED EM ALL! Makes sense to me ................. STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% Should have given him 100% Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * it will simply become wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?? * No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built. Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? * Concrete floors are very hard to crack. Professor Pointy
The Night Nurse A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says: 'Well, that's great . . . that's just great . . . some asshole's got my pen!' Pointy
Mr. Sensitive A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. He says, "Yes, I am." The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife. The guy says, "Sure," and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, "I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck." The guy replies, "I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook." Pointy
My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?" I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others, I was awake."
Splinters in Her Crotch A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down!" Pointy
